I should start by explaining my last post. I just re-read it and realized how nasty I might have sounded. I have been feeling 'funny' these last few days. Very moody and emotional and I didn't know why. I should also mention that I stopped taking my birth control, I can't even remember how long ago, and my period had not come back to date. Well yesterday mother nature finally let my body catch up to itself. Oh fun! I was kind of excited none the less because it meant that maybe, just maybe, when I get my new lungs having a baby wouldn't be an impossibility. I don't think I could carry it but I would be open to having a surrogate carry it for us. It's still a long way from my thoughts at this time but at least the door isn't completely closed just yet.
So I may have been a little dramatic the other day. I can't apologize though because that would mean I should be censoring my blogs and I don't think that's the point of these things.
Anywhooo, my cf clinic was pretty straight forward. It was super humid and hot that day and it felt as if weights were in my chest. My pft numbers were .8 something L, around 28%. So it really hasn't changed that much. That's good. They sprung a blood gas on me though. I HATE those things. Particularly because almost everyone that does it has to try a minimum of three times. I hated it even more this time because I didn't have any mental preparation. I truly believe it helps. The way clinic works in Kitchener is that we never usually have any tests other than a spirometry. I was looking forward to an easy, no pain, no exercise physio day. Well the girl missed it the first try, no surprise there, but thankfully the Dr. didn't make her try again. She must have seen the annoyance/pain in my face and felt bad for me. I was so relieved.
On a different note, I'm really trying to find five things everyday that make me happy. I've come to the conclusion that we are truly happy when we realize that what makes us happy isn't the big things but it's a sum of many little things that can sometimes appear big. So here are some for today:
1. I'm going to eat ribs at a favorite spot we found that makes awesome southern food
2. My mom's smile as she headed out to see GLEE at the ACC.
3. My comfy bed
4. My cats. They always put a smile on my face. (Well, accept when Corky gets caught by the cat police and I have to pay 90$ to bail him out. Urgh!) But, I'm happy to have him back.
5. Penny candy!! Jeff bought me some and it's hard to come by. No one sells it anywhere anymore.
Take care all of you,
Carla :)
Never apologize for letting the truth out! It's raw, from the bottom of your stomach feelings. No one should be judging! I'm glad your numbers are staying stable, although I wish you had more room to play with. Keep it up with the list of things each day...in our lives we need to decide what makes us happy. Just grabbing a coffee and a little walk speaks volumes for us :)
ReplyDeleteLove you and stay strong Beautiful!
humidity, period pains, transplant...yeah I think you have every right to be a little moody ;)
ReplyDeleteBy the way, even if you don't get your period, you can still have a baby. Don't stree about that right now. Plus once you get your new lungs, your body will remember what it needs to do. I missed my period rarely in life, but right before tx it did stop. Funny enough it returned a few days after I got my lungs and has been every 28 days without skipping a beat since. One way or another, if you want to have babies in the future, you will. Worry not.