Nothing feels concrete right now. We, as humans, tend to need structure and some need it more than others. I am one of those people. I'm between homes and I'm letting my independence fall by the wayside. Yep, I'm moving back in with Mommy and letting her do what she instinctively needs to do, mother me. Jeff, my sweet hubby, is coming with me. Poor Jeff! He needs structure and routine more than food. Life is change. This is what I've heard so many times growing up that I try to accept it as a mantra but it doesn't comfort anything if you can't see the other side. It never seems to get any easier.
So I'm on the waiting list for new lungs as of Monday. Yikes!! Has it come to this? I want to feel excited but the fear takes over. I'm terrified of losing myself. I'm not afraid of dying, don't get me wrong, I'm scared that after it all I won't feel the same, sound the same, look the same; I won't be me. This is a MAJOR change: No holds bar, let everything go, kind of change. And yah, I know, it is for the positive but frankly, there will be parts that I may not like and I'm scared that I won't like them a lot. What if these things will over shadow the good stuff? It's completely shallow and self centered but my ego hasn't gone away yet. I don't want it but it stays. I'm trying not to think too much because I'm going to go through with it no matter what anyways so there's no sense it worrying I guess. Anyways, I don't know what else to say. I'm tired.
Good night!!