I'm sorry for being M.I.A.

I'm a horrible blogger! I apologize to anyone who was patiently waiting to hear my life on the other side. Before I go into that, I have to be a bit honest here and admit that I have been avoiding a lot of what consumed my former life, blogging included. I did such a 360 that I wanted to pretend, at least for a little while, that that part of me didn't exist. Seeing people still on the list, getting sicker and even passing away, was something I had an even harder time dealing with because of the guilt I felt for being given a second chance out of pure luck and nothing else. When I heard the news of a fellow cyster passing away, who was truly loved by all, it really affected me. And, although I didn't know her personally, I know she was a good person. I cut myself off. I haven't been following facebook that much either. I'm starting to hear a lot of good stories lately though, of people receiving their second chance and I've been slowly coming to terms with my old life and feel that I'm ready to face it, not with fear, but, with a better understanding of what it took to get where I am today. I need to be a beacon of hope to all those that wish to take this path. I need to be strong because that's what it takes to start AND finish this journey.
So I guess it's needless to say that I've been doing pretty awesome. I've been busy living instead of existing, which is what my life was like prior. I had a bit of rejection at my three month mark, which they promptly got rid of with a super high dose of prednisone (I forget the name of the IV drug). I didn't sleep for three days straight on that stuff. All the effects I felt in the first little while after having the transplant have long since gone and I feel pretty normal now. I still notice a little bit of a puffier face but that, and the scars of course, are the only tell tale signs that anything was ever wrong. Our lives here were literally getting back to normal. We had an awesome summer. Jeff and I bought a brand new (oxymoron here) century home. We LOVE it! We cut down a Christmas tree today and it suits the place perfectly, just like my new lungs. I guess everything that has been happening has been pretty symbolic in that it has all been fitting into place so perfectly.....until now. Yep, the shoe dropped and my family got wind of some pretty terrible news about my only sister, who happens to have cystic fibrosis as well but that is not actually the worse part. She was recently diagnosed with Hodgkins lymphoma cancer. That dreadful word. We must have been a cruel family in another life. She's a new mom, a caring wife and absolutely loving daughter and sister. She doesn't deserve this. Just as we take our boots off, and throw away our battle swords, we are called back to battle. But, fight we will and we WILL win this war. Our family is one tight unit, we are lucky for that. She is strong like bull! Hahaha. I love her so much that it hurts to think about all of this. I don't want to watch her suffer. I realize now how difficult is to be on this side, watching those you love go through something you have NO control over. It's a whole other dynamic of illness that I really have not yet experienced. I was not around when my grandmother got sick with cancer because I had moved away to college. I didn't witness her getting smaller, weaker and sicker by the day. This will be tough, to say the least. What will keep me going is knowing that she WILL be okay at the end of this. They say that if someone is to get cancer, this is the cancer to get because it has such a high survival rate. So no doubt she will come out on top, it's just going to be shitty getting there.
On a more positive note, my nephew is the cutest little guy ever! He makes us all smile and laugh everyday. I love having him in my life. I can't wait to be the cool, goofy aunt. I never thought I could love someone else's child so much but I've fallen for him like he's my own.
Well my computer is about to die so I have to cut this short, although I'm sure there's a lot more I could ramble about. I will really try to update more regularly now that I have started back in.
Congratulations to all those who have recently received your second chance. I have been reading your blogs and smiling knowing you will love it!! I'm so happy for all of you. And for those of you still waiting, your time WILL come so stay strong and keep fighting because It's sooooo worth it. I know you read that a lot when you're considering transplant and trust me, it's the truth.
Love you all,
Carla :)