Time - good or bad?

Time is a funny thing. It really is illusory in the sense of duration. The same amount of time can go by quickly one day and pain-stakingly slow another. Lately time has been flying by. My health has been as good as ever. Nothing, absolutely nothing to report in terms of transplant news. I'm glad for that. I've been training for a dragon boat team for the past couple months. Now some of you might be asking yourself what could you possibly be doing to "train" for dragon boat, you pick up the paddle, row and have fun, right? That's what I thought too but this team is hard core! We had eight weeks of dry land training which is code for "kick our asses" training. Now we are set to finally go in the boat. I'm excited. I'm actually getting muscles I never knew I had. I feel physically strong for the first time in a looooonnnnnggg time. I need to do this to prove to myself that I can and will accomplish whatever I want. For such a long time the words disease and sickness and now the word transplant have floated around my mind, forcing me to make assumptions about what I could achieve in life. Having limitations placed on me constantly was hard. Now I feel limitless. I love feeling my lungs breathe so hard that I feel like I want to puke with exertion and then quickly recover only to go again. The way my muscles burn with lactic acid and then pushing a few more reps out. I makes me feel so alive. I'm so connected to my body in a way that I've never been before. I truly appreciate it and all that it can do but I especially appreciate the lungs. Not an exercise session goes by that I don't think about the amazing job they are performing. Thank you donor again and agin, endlessly. So with all this going on in my life plus work and just the daily grind, time has just skyrocketed. But, when my sister said that her chemo was almost done, I said "wow that went by fast", she then replied "ya, maybe for you!?" I realized that I've been insensitive to her hardships, assuming that time was flying by for everyone but when you're in the throws of it, it can feel like time stops. I'm very proud of how she's been handling this though, not that I expected anything less. I can't wait for her to feel life fully again. She only has three weeks to go. She's a true warrior princess :) My mom too. She's our rock. She is the reason we are still alive because she is there guiding us through the storm, always strong. It's been very conflicting for me lately. I've felt kind of guilty for living my life so fully and, in a way, selfishly because others don't have that luxury at the moment. I just feel like I need this so bad right now. Even writing this I feel like no one wants to hear people gush about all that's perfect and how happy they feel. It's sometimes easier to connect to dark times, unfortunately. I almost feel like I'm on a different path than everyone in my family, that I've branched off but I shouldn't have and now I'm kind of alone. Understandably so and I know they'll catch up but should I turn around? I guess I just haven't let things get me down because I know, with certainty in my heart, that everything's going to be ok. I haven't let any other thought enter my brain. Maybe that's avoiding the situation, but I think it's just true faith. I know I could be a better person in so many ways. I know I haven't done things the way I maybe should have. I want to give back and help people. That's my ultimate goal. In what way, I don't know yet but someway. I know this post has been kind of elusive and I understand if know one gets it. It was more of a rambling for myself anyways. I love you guys, good night!!