Kidney Failure and other things

Ok so time has passed and things have changed. I'm still struggling with kidney failure. My creatinine is now over 400 and the Dr. said I need to start the process of dialysis and eventually kidney transplant, so I see the vascular surgeon on August 12th. I'm tired a lot but I'll also have bouts of insomnia (like right now...it's 3:45 a.m.). I'm nauseous a lot and often vomit. My appetite is down quite a bit and I've lost weight. I also deal with lovely diarrhea (nice eh?). A year back, I switched my anti rejection medication from Cyclosporine to Prograf because they thought it was the Cyclosporine doing the damage. It obviously didn't make too much of a difference. My hair fell out quite a bit after starting it which sucks! I know it's 'just hair' but, as a woman, this can be tough. I've slowed it down by taking zinc and using a shampoo for cancer patients. I have nasal polyps which have completely blocked my sense of smell and therefore, my sense of taste. What else? I proceeded to go back to work a couple months back but now I'm not doing great again so I think I'll have to wait until I start the dialysis. I'm probably going on home hemodialysis. It suits my lifestyle since I don't leave the house much anyways and I work from home. But enough with the negative, I do have positive things too. My lung function is still amazing and no rejection or infection in the last 4 and half years (knock on wood). I'm still trying to golf when I can. I love it. I'm not great but I don't care, it's so nice to get out in the sunshine and quiet surroundings. I watch all the Blue Jays games and get right into it which always makes for a fun summer despite being inside a lot. Family, friends and especially hubby are all amazing and support me with endless love. I really notice my mental strength going into dialysis is somewhat stronger than I've been in the past. I guess that's what this whole journey does, unbeknownst to us sometimes. I always refute claims that I'm a hero and 'so strong'. I've always felt that it's just something I have to do and anyone else would do the same (which is true) but regardless, the process does inject a certain amount of fearlessness and bold face determination to fight! I really do look at it this time around as though I'm a warrior and my battle field is chronic illness. Bring it on motherf***ker!! If I lose, I lose with honour because I fought and I fought hard. My muscles are weak and yet I've never felt so tough. We all have our battles in life, physical, mental, societal, economical, etc. but perspective makes all the difference. I live by that. It can mean the difference between winning or losing, standing still or moving forward so always try to see the other side. Laugh as much as you can. Don't get me wrong, I know it can be tough, I deal with depression on an ongoing basis. That can be a battle in and of itself but I try to remember the word 'perspective' any time I sense the equivalent of a mental black hole coming on. Sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't but I know it's helped me many a times laugh at myself and the situation, even it's by no means funny. I find the humour anyway I can. I'm nervous about the process but I really just want to get the initial start-up over with and get into a routine. I hope it makes me feel better, which I'm sure it will. I'll try to update soon, Bye for now. My super duper awesome nephew Jack, My and my hubby Jeff on date night, Me supporting women's equality, Norman and my favourite picture of Jack.